Sometimes, being compassionate to ourself helps

Thursday, July 17, 2008

How many of you have screwed up a good relationship due to some silly misunderstanding? How many of you have suffered melancholy because of your own mistakes? How many of you have blamed yourself for doing something really stupid? Well, I have gone through all these and of course I did pay the price. Right from my childhood, I was under the impression that, we are responsible for what we are. One of my teacher in school always used to tell us, "We are responsible for what we are and we will be responsible for what we will be" (Originally Swami Vivekananda's quote). Quite often, this perception penalized me a lot by forcing me to believe that, I am responsible for all the 'mess' around me. But some times it was not always true. There were some situations which were beyond my control; really, i couldn't have done much about it.

I had this habit of retrospecting the whole story that created the mess. Thinking in some other perspective did made me realize that, "Yeah, some one else may be responsible for the mess. But there were many incidents in the past few days/weeks/months where you failed to make some simple choices. If you had decided 'that' way, probably this mess wouldn't have happened. Other person might have just happened to be in that situation and became responsible for the mess." Ultimately I was forced to believe that, "Yeah, I am responsible for what happened there." Some corner of my mind always reverberated "Not fair! What the heck? It's not my fault." There used to be some kind of confusion. Am I responsible for this or am I not? Some sort of agitation in mind. I was just trying to decide, whose fault was that?

Until recently I had never realized that, some times, we need to be compassionate to ourselves. We must try and understand what our limitations are. Of course, we must try and overcome them or avoid them, thats the different story all together. But in this case, something has already happened and we are just trying to do some repair work. I have realized one thing, "There is no point in blaming ourselves for our weaknesses or our mistakes." Why that agitation in mind? Why that kind of confusion about whom to pass on the blame? Why do we tend to be conclusive? Why don't we accept our mistakes with compassion? If we cannot accept and understand our own mistakes then who else will? Let us take the full responsibility for 'that' mess. After all, in some or other way we might have contributed to the mess, because we were there in that situation.

Once that is clear, lets work towards how we can repair the damage, or how we can solve the problem?  or how we can overcome the weakness? Once we know how, rest is simple, follow your heart and  "Just do it!"

Related Article:
1. ಸಹಾನುಭೂತಿ (Compassion)


Anonymous said...

The best way to not let that mess happen is speak out clearly and boldly with the other person to clear your misunderstanding..coz most of the times we don't speak up and that builds the misunderstanding... We need to be brave enough to tell what is what to who ever is on the opposite side. If that person understands then yes its worth and if they don't then its also better coz u know its not worth being with the other person if they don't understand. you can clap with two hands and not one...So remember mess is part of life you should solve it....

Anonymous said...

Hey man needed that piece of advice for the current mess I'm in!
grt going only lonely one. U rock as always!

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This work by Manjunath Singe is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 India License. The views and opinions expressed in this work are strictly those of the author and do not represent his employer's views in anyway.